Abbie: Hello and welcome to the CosmoParenting Podcast brought to you by the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution. In this space, we invite you to see yourself as someone who is curious about and actively participating in creating your own meaning around parenting.
Today, we are beginning a new month and new theme, so this is our ‘Appreciate’ episode, where we introduce the theme and offer questions to reflect on that help us appreciate where we are and where we’ve been. Let’s begin.
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Abbie: This month is about perspectives. As we introduce perspectives, we want to recognize that there are infinite perspectives to be taken and multiple perspectives can co-exist at the same time.
I think this theme is such a great reminder, because we can go about our days and get so ingrained in one way of thinking, or doing something, and we forget that there are multiple perspectives on everything. That people are showing up with different experiences and backgrounds and ideas.
And a great way to think about perspectives is to consider this, kind of, visual that is really helpful. Consider that you are standing looking at a house. And let’s say you are supposed to decide whether or not to tear the house down. You are looking at the front door, so you can see a porch, maybe some windows. And you can walk up to the house using the sidewalk. And from where you are standing, the house is in great condition.
Someone else, with a different perspective, might enter the house through the backdoor. Maybe their lives lead them- for whatever reason- to approach the house from the other side, so they see things you don’t. And maybe they saw mold and parts of the structure rotting away. You would likely disagree about the state of the house and what to do with it. And like we talked about in the conflict theme, neither of you are wrong about what you saw or how you came to see the house, you just have different perspectives. So, if you don’t explore each others’ perspectives, if you don’t ask the other person to take you to the back of the house and show you what they have seen, then you probably would think they are wrong, and you would remain firmly in your decision without having the whole picture. There’s really something we miss when don’t explore other’s perspectives and we don’t hold space for them. And this can go on and on because maybe someone else comes in through the window or someone else has been in the basement and seen more things you haven’t considered yet. There are infinite perspectives to be taken.
A parenting specific example is thinking about how you choose to parent versus how others choose to parent. It can be easy- not just in parenting, but in life- to look at what others do and judge them, believing they are wrong for choosing to do things differently than you, but they have their own perspective that is different than yours, yes, but not necessarily wrong or bad. I think the best way to engage with multiple perspectives is to use curiosity as much as possible.
When we are so committed to seeing things through one perspective, hearing other perspectives can feel a lot like a threat to our safety, to our ways of life, to our ways of being, and knowing, and understanding; however, if we can remind ourselves that there is space for many perspectives, many ways of being to exist at the same time, then it doesn’t have to feel so threatening to open yourself up to hear other perspectives and other stories.
If we can do this then, for example, when the father or your child’s friend expresses disapproval for something you are choosing to do in your parenting, you don’t have to feel objectively wrong, or worry, or argue even about which one of you is right, you can hold space for both yours ways of parenting and be curious about it. Perhaps explaining why you make the choice you do and asking him why he makes the choices he does. We can offer curiosity to each other and expand our perspectives and our understanding in a really meaningful way.
Wrapping up this episode, I want to offer some questions for you to reflect on for yourself. I am going to ask the questions here, but you can also find them written in the show notes of this episode, or on the Substack.
What does it feel like for you to consider making space for other perspectives? Does it feel scary? Threatening? Exciting? Interesting?
Consider what was modeled for you in terms of expressing curiosity (or not) about multiple ways of seeing things. What do you hope to model for your children in terms of being open to many perspectives?
Where in your life can you actively seek out new perspectives right now?
Okay, those are the questions I'm leaving you with today. I invite you to spend some time in reflection after this episode ends and throughout your week thinking about them. I also want to point you toward the additional resources we have available for free at www.cosmoactivities.com. And I also want to encourage you to do at least some of your reflecting on the CosmoParenting Substack so you can be in dialogue with our community. It's really simple to just leave a comment under this episode on the Substack, and it's a great way to experience different perspectives.
Thank you so much for joining us for this episode of the CosmoParenting Podcast. We're so grateful to be on this journey with you. And we'll see you next week to hear a parenting story.
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