Abbie: Hello and welcome to the CosmoParenting Podcast brought to you by the CMM Institute for Personal and Social Evolution. In this space, we invite you to see yourself as someone who is curious about and actively participating in creating your own meaning around parenting.
This is our ‘Animate’ episode, where we offer some strategies to integrate into parenting so you can bring to life the things we talk about here on the podcast. Let’s begin.
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Abbie: Today, I am joined once again by gifted educator Stephanie Higgs, to offer a best practice from a teacher’s perspective. Hi, Stephanie.
Stephanie: Hey, Abbie.
Abbie: Thanks for coming back again. We have spent this month discussing structure. What’s the practice you are offering us for this theme?
Stephanie: This is one that came straight from the brain of Stephanie and involves some self reflection as well as some reflection from the entire family unit. We’re going to take a little bit of time today to talk about the structures we have in place with a strategy that I made up called ‘Add// Subtract// Multiply// Divide.’ The heart of this practice is to evaluate the meaningfulness and efficacy of the structures we have in place. Where do we need more? Where do we need less? Where do we need different? So, let’s jump right in.
The first question I invite you to reflect on is the subject of what’s going to be a future theme, which is that of chaos. Where is a pain point in your current family structure? Is it the nightly fight of bedtime? Is it chores left undone around the house each week? Is it Thursday evenings because we have four kids who are each involved in what feels like 14 sports that all practice on Thursdays? Where do we need to add some systematic structures to alleviate the level of chaos we are experiencing?
The second question is the opposite. Are there any structures within our family unit or our day-to-day life where we have such a strong structure in place that we’ve lost some of the joy or the magic in the mundane? The consideration here is: do we need to subtract a structure that simply isn’t working? While the intent of it was to bring order, perhaps there is a structure in place that has led to stress, chaos, resentment, or other negatives and it needs to be eliminated or subtracted. So, whether there is too much or simply because it just isn’t working, what structures do we need to subtract from our lives?
The third component is my favorite! This involves the family reflecting on our favorite structures within our family system where we want to multiply and copy paste the way those make us feel more frequently throughout the week. So, referencing Abbie’s example of dinner question prompts from the first week of this theme, if my favorite time of the week is when my parents ask me on Friday to tell them something good, maybe we need to multiply that and invite structured dinner conversation throughout the week so we all have thoughtful, intentional opportunities to share with one another. Where can we multiply the magic?
Last but not least, let’s think through any structures that can be divided, split up, or broken down into smaller parts. It is possible to be overly structured. And we might want to think through portions of our week where we have almost a mega structure in place that would feel more manageable if we could divide or chunk it into small parts. For example, if on Saturday Caregiver A is knocking out every single chore in the house but also trying to keep Child 1 and 2 busy and Spouse is staying out of the way but not super supportive or helpful. Could we divide that structure up? Instead of one person having all of that responsibility, could we give small bite sized tasks to Kiddos 1 and 2? Could Spouse or Partner help divide up some of those larger tasks to make it a less chaotic and stressful and more productive and enjoyable experience for all. So, where can we divide structures or break them down into smaller, more manageable parts? Perhaps it doesn’t have to be that everything gets done on Saturday. Perhaps we carve out 30 minutes a night or 20 minutes a night throughout the week and we do Floors this day, and Dusting or Spot Cleaning on this day, Dishes this day, Laundry this day. That way that mega structure of Saturday is kind of broken down throughout the week so that we do a bite-sized piece each day and then the weekends are a little bit more fun for everybody.
Abbie: Those are really great examples. I’m glad you shared those to help really make this strategy come to life for people. Creating structure is so important. But, as you just demonstrated, there is certainly a thing of too much structure. I know for myself that I thrive when there are clear expectations. So, people that are listening to this might feel that way for themselves and might have kids that are like that too. So, you and your kids might be the same like me. And even if you are not, that is the beauty of this practice and this whole podcast. What works for me might not work for you and that’s okay because it is all about figuring out for yourself. There is a reason that the strategies that you offer each month, Stephanie, are full of more questions than answers! And I really appreciate that.
I think structure can feel especially tricky for parents who are just trying to make it through the day. But, this ‘Add// Subtract// Multiply// Divide’ strategy feels really accessible, so I really hope people will try it out.
Stephanie, thank you so much for joining me today! And thank you to everyone listening for joining us as well. You can connect with Stephanie on Instagram @littlemissgifted and you can check out our other CosmoActivities and additional resources at www.cosmoactivities.com. We are so grateful to be on this journey with you. And we will see you next week for the final episode of the month where we will talk communication on the theme of structures.
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